I can feel a shift happening. In this moment, and over months and seasons and years and a lifetime. A shift in who I am, in how I see myself, how I navigate and interact with the world around me. Labels can be so easy to adopt. Rules can becomes woven into the fabric of your life so subtly they are fully entrenched by the time you notice, if you notice. Fear creeps in. Fear decides for you. Fear closes you off, numbs you, holds you in.
Our lives are what we make them, ripe, ready, positioned for change and evolution. It is the life of anyone brave enough to lean into it.
I've been watching films and documentaries and TED talks lately as spring ushers itself in. I'm taking a break from regular life by necessity—a break from routine, structure, shoulds and musts. It is liberating, nauseating, restless, anxious, uncomfortable and rejuvenating. I feel peace, calm, certainty, truth, wholeness, self-doubt, anger, frustration, deflation and completely lost all at once. Soon I will be back to deadlines, but for now I am simply in it.
Here are a few meaningful things I've watched recently that cracked me open and made me feel alive and connected with humanity: Life in a Day (documentary), Vegucated (documentary), Embrace Your Inner Girl (TED Talk by Eve Ensler), Shadows In The Sun (film), About Time (film).
Each inspiration is contributing something to my process—of unfolding, unfurling, becoming who I am. A new self is shaping. A softer, more compassionate, patient, sure-footed, strong hearted, tender woman is emerging. Someone whose instincts I'm not sure I completely trust or understand yet. I feel everything in every part of myself. So much pain, so much beauty. So much love and sadness. So much hope and anticipation of the next. The next what? The next… I don't know.
Trust the process. This is sprinkled in my thoughts throughout the day. It seeps into my sense of being, and I am doing my best to lean into it. Trust the process. Let life unfold.
Let Life Unfold, 2014
14" x 18"
mixed media on wood canvas
mixed media on wood canvas
xo
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