Sunday, 31 May 2015
My gosh the journey into your authentic life is something else. I've been in hibernation for a few months now, recalibrating and finding my way through lots of change. I'm starting to unfurl and come back out into the open where I can be seen again, and in some ways it feels amazing and just TRUE. In other ways it's scary. I'm changed and still changing and I suppose in some ways it feels very vulnerable. I don't have fancy labels or roaring successes to define me and I'm not entirely at home in my body and style right now (although that's evolving daily), but I'm beginning to find my centre and feel steady again. My life is quiet these days with a whole lot of being right where I am and not too much striving and achieving. It's a transformational experience. I'm simply being me—the me that's been there all along, the one that I've been struggling to love no matter what. And that's enough.
I think the hardest part though is letting go and allowing the journey to unfold. I catch myself in moments of self-doubt, feeling like I'm wandering blindly with no idea where I'm going, desperately clinging to the idea of success by achievement – being on track, having a plan, accomplishing. But being present is nothing like that experience. Instead there is a lot of trust needed. In the moments when I trust my instincts and trust the process I know so clearly that I'm right where I need to be on my path and my inner compass knows exactly where I'm going. I simply need to quiet my mind to allow the clarity to shine through. And it does. And I feel peace.
It's funny you know, I've always found it easy to see and celebrate the beauty and wholeness of others, simply appreciating their warm hearts and beautiful uniqueness without questioning whether they should be MORE. The bigger challenge is to see this completeness in yourself, to know you are everything you need to be, and to be still long enough to simply be jn your own presence and feel it. That's truly what peace feels like. That's a life worth living.
All of these pieces add up to a life of peace.
And so, the journey unfolds. A deeper layer. With many moments of straight-up fear and insecurity, but also many blissful moments of clarity, wholeness and truth. I'm so completely aware that the road will continue to dip and rise, and I will feel lost and then whole again many times over. This is the journey. This is transformation – moving from that cocoon to the glorious butterfly in flight. So worth it.